Actual Conversation I Just Had...

Z: What's this word?
Me: Noel.
Z: No elf? That is a terrible thing to put on a Christmas card!
Me: Not no elf. Noel.
Z: Yes there is. Right there. (Points at the L.)
Me: No. Not no "L". Noel.
Z: If you don't know what it says I'll just ask dad.

My Boys New Favorite Christmas Joke...

From my nephew T...

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

Answer in comments...

Beatitudes...

The children at our church are memorizing the beatitudes for Sunday school. If they can learn them all and recite them at the end of the school year they get to attend a waffle party with our children's pastor. Z missed last year because he wouldn't say his verses to his teachers (too busy playing!), but he is quite determined to go this year and practices his verses A LOT. This morning on the way to school he was reciting them and then...

"I made up my own beatitude, mom. Isaac 1:1. Blessed are those that learn their memory verses for they shall get to go to the waffle party with Pastor Justin!"

Impossible...

Imperative---What God commands us to do.
Indicative---What God has already done.

Imperative - Indicative = Impossibility

I can never do what God commands me to do without first understanding and accepting what He has already done for me. The End.

The Story of Jonah...

This little girl has the cutest lisp ever! The link is almost 8 minutes long, but it is SOOOOO cute!!!

30 Things...

I was "tagged" and asked to list 30 interesting and random facts about myself. I was going to ignore it (as usual), but then I wondered how hard it would be to do. So here are 30 useless, random and possibly interesting facts about me...

1. If you ask me who the sexiest man on the planet is I will say Chris and actually mean it.

2. I have never regretted getting married young. It has been a privilege and honor to watch my husband grow from a boy into an incredible Godly man.

3. Chris and I almost separated 4+ years ago. I was blessed with a wonderful friend who was going through similar (but very different) experiences and we spent many hours crying, praying and teaching one another. I now use my own testimony as an example of why we need to keep counseling within the church body.

4. My children's names are Micah Christopher (Micah Roo), Isaac David (Zacky Boo) and Abigail Joanna (Abby Anna). We chose their first names because of their meanings (Micah-One who is like Christ. Isaac-He who laughs. Abigail-Her fathers delight.). Their middle names are family names (Chris, mine and my fathers).

5. If Micah had been a girl he would have been named Elisabeth Leanne. Isaac would have been Elisabeth Madeline. Our boy name for Abby was Josiah Edwin up until 5 minutes before the delivery when I burst into tears and told Chris I really wanted Seth Edwin. Luckily she was girl.

6. Today I made four pans of chicken enchiladas and four pans of brownies, only one of which will be eaten by my own family. I selfishly enjoy blessing people with meals because it is convenient.

7. I have subscriptions to Cosmo, Family Fun and Cooking Light. The only one I read religiously is Cosmo.

8. My husband and I went through a lot of fertility problems the result of which was 10 miscarriages and 3 beautiful children.

9. The hardest part about sending the boys to school this year is just the fact that I miss having them around.

10. The best part about sending my boys to school this year has been watching their teachers blow every misconception anyone has about the public school system out of the water. They are both amazing and have been a HUGE blessing to my boys and I this year.

11. If I tell you I'm praying for you (or something) I am and I will be until I hear its time to praise God for His answer. And if you don't update me I will eventually get around to asking you about it, even if it is months/years from now.

12. I sin. A lot. Which is probably why I read so many books/articles/scripture about God's grace. Because I would have given up on me a long time ago. But God doesn't. Isn't that the most awesome thing you have ever heard?!?!?!

13. I like to cook, but hate baking. Plus, I pretty much stink at it. When we were first married I asked Chris to pick one thing for me to learn to bake and promised to learn how to bake whatever he chose until I had it as close to perfect as possible. I make killer pumpkin pie, which my husband gets every birthday and holiday and whenever I accidentally dent the car.

14. I have struggled with bulimia since I was 14. I spent most of my high school career binging and purging and still struggle daily with obsessive behaviors concerning my weight. While I honestly believe God could heal me from this disease, I also honestly believe that He uses it as a way to keep my reliance fully on Him and Him alone and I am blessed and humbled by the fact that He trusts me with so much.

15. I believe that two of the most powerful words in the Bible are "Jesus wept." because they remind us that when Jesus was fully man He experienced all the emotions we have been blessed with including fear, sorrow and pain. Negative emotions are not sinful; our responses to them are. Which is why after Jesus wept He turned to the Father for comfort and renewal.

16. I prefer most cakes without frosting, but most brownies with.

17. I think Spongebob Squarepants is stupid, but I don't think it makes my kids stupid so I don't really mind that they enjoy it. But I didn't let them watch Teletubbies because I believe that show actually kills braincells.

18. At one point in my life I prayed fervently for a friend. Just one friend. God answered my prayer with Hobbitsister. Through her God taught me how to be a good friend to others and now there are more people I would consider friends in my actual life than on my facebook page. And I still don't think she truly understands how much her friendship has blessed me, nor how often I praise God for His choice in friends.

19. I have learned that true contentment is not desiring LESS, but being happy with exactly where God put me. And I love my five-bedroom house and the lessons God taught me through the entire home buying process.

20. Sometimes I wonder if Christians who spend a good deal of their time complaining about Obama realize how difficult that makes it for me to witness to non-believers who voted for him. While I don't think that we should separate our religion and our politics, I frequently wonder where the respect for authority that God called us to comes in. Also, I wonder what some people will say when they get to heaven and discover that their are democrats there.

21. I didn't vote for Obama, but I also wouldn't vote for Sarah Palin.

22. I heart peanut-butter, but only the chunky kind. Peanut-butter without chunks of peanuts is like orange juice with no pulp--wrong.

23. I really wanted Abby to be a boy, but am so very thankful that God knew better. Abby is exactly what this family needed.

24. I like to jog because it gives me time to think. I go jogging almost every night.

25. I have 2 older sisters, one younger brother, two brother-in-laws, two sister-in-laws, 8 nephews and 2 nieces.

26. My oldest son will be taking the testing for the Extended Learning Program at his school and I'm not sure how I feel about that, however I left the final decision with him since he will be doing the work.

27. I am thankful that my children are quick learners because I struggled so much in school.

28. My biggest pet-peeve is when I tell my children to go play and they whine at me. Its not like I just told them to go pick up dog poop.

29. I sincerely love all of your children and when you tell me stories about them I remember them and share them with others because everyone needs a good laugh now and then.

30. I enjoy reading entertainment and celebrity news online, but don't watch television and get easily bored at movies.

Okay, that was HARD! But it was also kind of interesting to do. If you want to do it, I would love to read it.

Catch Phrase...

My parents are visiting and we all decided to play the game Catch Phrase. (In case you haven't played its a lot like Taboo.) The boys are excellent guessers...

Me: Its what you smoke when you aren't smoking a cigarette.
Z: Drugs!


Me: When people are in jail they are called...
M: Democrats!

(The actual answers were cigar and convicts, just in case you were wondering...)

I Should Have Known...

M: I love lemon heads so much!
Me (teasingly): Then why don't you marry them?
M (totally serious): Because lemon head is a boy.

Don't Have A Cow...

Today the boys were discussing how to milk a cow so I pulled up a video on youtube and we learned how to milk a cow. Z's response was interesting...

Z: Wait, they just squeeze it out?
Me: Pretty much.
Z: That is so disgusting!
Me: What? The udders?
Z: No, I knew about the udders, but they touch them?
Me: Yes, that's how they get the milk out.
Z: But I thought it would be less yucky.
Me: How?
Z: I thought they just cut the milk out.

Yeah, that would be a lot less yucky...

Drugs Are Not Cool...

This is D.A.R.E. week at the kids school, so Z has been running around chanting, "drugs are not cool!". I'm thinking maybe the program may need some changes, though...

Me: Z, do you know what drugs are?
Z: Not cool!
Me: Yes, drugs are not cool, but what are drugs?
Z: Bad things?
Me: What kind of "bad things"?
Z: I don't know. But I am totally turning my back on them!

Sigh...

Loaded Questions...

We are out running errands when out of the blue...

Chris: How do you feel about insurance fraud?
Me (confused): Its bad, I guess.
Chris: Oh. Okay. Never mind then.

Best Compliment Ever...

AJ was flirting with an elderly man who quickly called his wife over to see her...

"Honey, come look at this baby girl. She has Bette Davis eyes!"

Love it!

My Current Prayer...

Dear Lord, Please help me remember that I am not a martyr, I am a wife and a mother and I am thankful that you have given me such a high calling. Amen.

Maybe its just me, but sometimes I put myself up on a pedestal created of dishes, laundry and toys. I start to think that this entire house would fall apart without me, especially since I haven't built it all that securely. AJ has been very humbling for me. I'd forgotten what its like to have something so helpless and demanding taking up so much of my precious time. I am constantly behind, drowning in housework and struggling to keep my head above water and a smile on my face. I worried when the boys went to school this year that I would have more time and yet still be unable to keep up. Is that what happened? No...and yes... See, I'd also forgotten that as infants become more mobile and more independent they also become more demanding. No longer do I have the luxury of 3 hour naps and if AJ is in that grocery cart for more than an hour forget leaving the store without people staring and pointing. The boys need lunches packed, clean clothes to wear and a ride to school. They are going to need to be picked up from school and we will be talking about their day and doing their homework until its time to make dinner. After dinner there is choir, scouts and soccer practice. AJ needs her milk and blankie, Z needs a story and a cuddle and M wants to read just one more chapter. Bedtime comes and the house is a mess, but I haven't had a chance to exercise or hear about Chris's day. So where does that leave me? Well, here. Here in my home where God has called me. And He reminds me constantly that here is not only a place, but a time as well. Here is now. And now AJ is one, Z is five and M is nine. That won't always be the case, as I know all too well. I know in my heart that this time is precious. And since Jesus has my heart, Satan strikes at my head. Because in my heart I know that my priorities are right, but in my head I am losing at this stay-at-home mom thing. My head demands perfection, my heart accepts grace. My head tells me that I am my family's foundation, my heart tells me that that is God's job. In my head I am a martyr, but in my heart I am a wife and mother. And so I pray. A lot. I remind myself to take those thoughts captive and replace them with truth. God's truth.

Unless Jehovah had been my help, my soul had soon dwelt in silence. When I said my foot slipeth; thy loving kindness, oh Jehovah, held me up. In the multitude of thoughts within me Thy comforts delight my soul. Psalm 94:17-19

Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30

You shall teach them diligently to your sons. And you shall speak of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way. And when you rise up and when you lie down. Deuteronomy 6:7

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment...instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is one great worth in God's eyes. 1 Peter 3:3a-4

Yep, that's better...

Who's Crazy???...

Me: This, my dearest AJ, is a fruit by the foot. They are better than fruit roll ups because they are 3 feet long, but thinner. Plus, you can buy a gigantic box of them at Costco. I hope you enjoy that tiny bite I shared with you, because they are mine and I don't usually share them. But you are a special case and I love you. But no more!

M (to Z): When did our mom go insane?

Z (to M): She's been like that for as long as I've known her.

Letters...

Dear M,

I am glad that you want your class to win the box top contest, but was it necessary to pull everything out of our pantry?

Love, Mom

Dear Chris,

Thank you for being late this morning to cut out boxtops. You are awesome.

Love, Busy

Dear Z,

Please do not forget to turn in your box tops today so you aren't crying about it later.

Love, Mom

Dear AJ,

You really need to take a morning nap so that I can clean up the pantry. Thank you for your co-operation.

Love, Mom

Z's First Crush...

Z has a crush on a little girl in his room who always wears bows in her hair. He drew her a picture of a little boy and a little girl with a bow in her hair holding hands. M helped him spell and he carefully wrote, "Dear A, I like you. Will you play with me? Love, Z". He was a bit nervous about giving her the card so his teacher helped him out. When he came home I asked him if A had played with him and he gave me a HUGE grin and said, "Yes. The ENTIRE RECESS!" Score! Now every evening at dinner Z tells us what color bow A was wearing at school. Today he was trying to explain to us that she was wearing two bows...

Z: Two bows. Not one. And they were white-ish. And she had mom hair.
(I was totally confused until Chris looked at my hair-do and grinned.)
Chris: You mean she had pigtails, like mom?
Z: Yep. Except with bows.

Ahhh, young love...

4 Of My Favorite Things...

...About 4 Of My Favorite People...

Chris:
1. He is funny in a witty, sarcastic way which I find extremely attractive.
2. He understands Biblical truth is an amazing way and lovingly and patiently shares it with me.
3. He is a phenomenal father who loves his kids and never hesitates to show and tell them so.
4. He is one of the strongest people I know. He has risen above and overcome so many things to become the man he is today and it has been a privilege to watch him grow from a teenage boy into a wonderful, Godly man.

M:
1. He is creative, constantly inventing new things and coming up with new ideas to improve things. He draws cartoons that crack me up.
2. He is persistent. When he wants something he doesn't let anything stand in his way.
3. He is cautious and thoughtful with his words and actions. He thinks things through before he acts on them.
4. He is a chatterbox. He loves telling jokes and stories and doing magic tricks. He always has something to contribute.

Z:
1. He is FUN. He loves having a good time, but he likes it best when he can share his adventures with people he loves.
2. He is a good friend. He loves making new friends and is sensitive to what they are thinking and feeling.
3. He is daring. He will try things even if they intimidate him and when he is afraid he talks it through and figures out how to deal with it. He never lets one bad experience dictate what he is willing to try in the future.
4. He is just too darn cute. When you tell him good-bye, he salutes you. When he tells you a funny story, he always adds the phrase, "And this part is hilarious..." before the ending.

AJ:
1. She is tough. No matter how many times she falls down (or gets knocked down) she just pops right back up and moves on.
2. She is joyful. Clapping her hands and scooting around on her bottom are enough to make her laugh and she gets excited when the boys just play near her. She makes it obvious that she just enjoys her life.
3. She is sweet. She will pat my feet as she is crawling by and say "mama" just because. She presses her cheek to your cheek and makes smacking noises.
4. She is emotional. She feels everything with her entire being. When she is sad, she is sadder than any baby has ever been. And when she is happy, she is happier than anyone in the world. Luckily, she is usually happy.

Zuckered Again...

Hmmmm...I love how they throw in that the minimum age requirement for facebook is 14, but then claim they can't disable the account. I just find this whole thing incredibly confusing. If facebook has rules such as age requirements, then they must have a way to enforce those rules. For example, by shutting down accounts created by children who are breaking them. I just can't believe that they are that incapable of solving this problem. If the mother was asking them to shut down someone else's account I could maybe see an issue, but basically you have someone requesting to close an account they opened. I just think that this is, quite frankly, ridiculous and that facebook and its creator deserve all the bad press they are receiving from this. But maybe that is just me...

AJ's Vocabulary...

pe-ty: "See me patting my head? Aren't I pretty? Say I'm pretty or I will yell at you."

no-no: "I know this is something you told me not to do which is why I am doing it. But don't I look pretty?"

NO!: "I do not want to do what you want me to do right now."

tank-ooo: "I am about to steal that cookie you are eating."

mine dat: "See that thing that you put out of my reach? I want it."

hab dat: "I really want to play with that thing you have in your hand so I'm batting my eyelashes at you and being cute so you won't notice when I take it from you."

ah-dun: "I no longer want to be on the floor/in my bed/in the car/in my highchair/in the house/in this state/country/continent."

yum-yum: "I am hungry, but don't try to feed me any vegetables because then I will have spit them at you."

Ah-by: "Look at that pretty baby in that mirror over there!"

Ga-Ga: "I want grandma because she is nicer than you are and only feeds me yum-yums."

bu-bu: "Stop talking, mom, I'm ready to leave now."

Poor AJ...

AJ is playing in the living room when she decides to find a playmate....

AJ: Z?
Mommy: Honey, Z's at school.
AJ (louder, with some concern): Z?
Mommy: Z is bye-bye.
AJ (with increased concern and volume): M?
Mommy: M is bye-bye, too, sweetheart.
AJ (highly concerned): Daddy???
Mommy: Daddy is at work. Daddy is bye-bye.
AJ (extreme concern bordering on panic): Mama?
Mommy: I'm right here.

She then flings herself into my arms and cuddles into my shoulder with sad little whimpering noises. I think this school thing is almost as hard on her as it is on me!

Why High/Lazy/Stupid People Shouldn't Work Retail...

Borders Employee: This isn't one of the free books.
Me: Yes, it is. Its on the list right here. (Show him the list.)
BE: Ya, but there is a special edition of this book that is like two dollars cheaper. You need that one.
Me (already frustrated because it took me so long to find the books in the first place): Where do I find it?
BE: Its out there somewhere.
Me (incredulously): Is that seriously your answer?
BE (obviously confused): What?
Me: Your answer is "somewhere"? You do work here, right?
BE: What?
Me (disgusted): Could you please tell me where to find the correct book?
BE: Its in the kids department.
Me (seriously annoyed): Of course its in the kids department. Its a children's book. The kids department is half the store. Could you please be more specific.
BE: The kids department is in the back.
Guy in line behind me: Dude! Are you high or just really that lazy?
Lady behind him: Neither. He's just that stupid.

Ode To Ice-Cream...

A Haiku by AJ...

Num Num Da Da Num
Mine Num Num Da Da Num Num
Num Num Da Da Mine.

(Chris wasn't doing a very good job sharing his ice-cream cone and AJ was forced to resort to poetry...)

Spelling Mix-Up...

I was looking at pictures on Facebook and Z asked about one of them...

Z: Who is that?
Me: Your cousin Mr. T.
Z: Who is the girl?
Me: His girlfriend.
Z (giggling): What's her name?
Me: LE, why?
Z: Mr. T and LE sitting in a tree, s-p-j-k-l-m-n-o-p.
M (interrupting): You spelled it wrong.
Z (seriously cracking up): No, I didn't! I wasn't spelling it, I was spelling KISSING!

Z wanders off still laughing and muttering "i-t spells it. Silly M!"

How The Lego Man Got In The Water Bottle...

M: Will you please stop blaming me?
Z: I'm not blaming you, but if you hadn't given me the water bottle I wouldn't have put the lego guy into it!
M: I gave you the water bottle so you could have a drink because you said you were thirsty.
Z: I was thirsty and I did have a drink, but now my lego man is stuck in the water bottle because you gave it to me.
M: You are the one who dropped it in there! You should have just had a drink and passed it back.
Z: I did have a drink!
M: And then YOU dropped your lego man in the bottle. You, you, YOU!
Z (completely exasperated): Yes, because you GAVE it to me!

Who Needs A Puppy...

when you have a baby! Today AJ crawled underneath the kitchen table while the boys were having lunch and proceeded to bang on their legs until they started sneaking snacks to her. She would knock on them until they handed down the food, then sit and grin while she ate. The funniest part was how sneaky the boys were being. They didn't feed her anything she shouldn't have had, though, so I just pretended not to notice. :D

Lol...He Called Me "Tricksy"...

Z: What's for dinner?
Me: Pasta Primavera
Z: Yum! Wait, isn't that spaghetti with vegetables?
Me: Sort of.
Z: Very tricksy of you mom!

Underwear or Under Where...

M: Mom, what's that under there?
Me: Under the table?
M: No.
Me: Under the chair?
M: Nope.
Me: I don't know. What is it?
M: That thing! Under there!
Me: You're going to have to be more specific.
M: Under there!
Me: Hmmm...I'm not sure what you mean. Could you hand me the spoon that's under there?
M: Under where? (Lengthy pause...) Dang it.

I Don't Think They Sell Those...

Z: Mom, I really need a new bank.
Me: Why? What's wrong with your bank?
Z: Its broken. I need a new one and I know what kind I want.
Me: What's broken about it and what kind do you want?
Z: Mine doesn't have any money. The kind I want is the kind that comes already full of money.

Let Me Explain It To You...

Z: Mom, can I watch Teen Titans?
Me: What are Teen Titans?
Z: Its a show about these teenagers who are also titans.
Me: Okay, and what does that mean exactly.
Z: I think it means that they tighten things up. You know, when they get loose and stuff.

M: Thanks for taking me to Polly's house today.
Me: You're welcome. That was nice of Fiona to have you over.
M: Yep. You know, Polly is the only girl I really like hanging out with.
Me: Okay.
M: Not that she's my girlfriend. She's not really. She's just a girl who is my friend.
Me: Good because you are too young to have girlfriends.
M: Right. But I like her. Like a friend, I mean.
Me: I'm glad you're friends with Polly.
M: Me, too. And when I get my license I'm going to take her to the movies.
Me: Like on a date?
M: GEEZ MOM! I told you she's not my girlfriend!

My Little Thief...

Z: Mom, look! I found $5.00!
Me: Where?
Z: In your purse. It was in your wallet. See, I found it and now I can buy legos!
Me: No, you can't. That isn't your money. Taking money out of someone else's wallet is stealing.
Z: No, I didn't steal it, I FOUND it.
Me: You FOUND it in my wallet. I didn't lose it. I put it in my wallet so I would know where it was.
Z: But I found it. If you wanted it you would have put it someplace safe.
Me: I do want it. I put it in my wallet to keep it safe.
Z: Are wallets a good place to keep money safe.
Me: Yes, usually.
Z: Okay.
(Turns to go upstairs.)
Me: Wait a second, where are you going with that money?
Z: To put it in my wallet. You know, to keep it safe.

Yes, I did eventually get my money back and Z did receive a stern lecture on "finding" things.

Bless You...

Today I was downstairs when I heard Z sneeze a huge sneeze upstairs. I called up a bless you and he asked if I heard him. I jokingly told him people in China probably heard him. It was quiet for a minute and then he called, "Did they hear me sneeze in English or Chinese?"

Cloud Stories...

"Look, mom! There's an elephant in the clouds. Look, its chasing that alligator. Oh, there's a hand. Now it makes so much sense. The elephant is chasing the alligator because someone just slapped it on the buns. Hey, a monster! And he's eating chicken nuggets. Wait, the hand is trying to steal the chicken nuggets! Hey, buddy, get your own nuggets! Now the monster is eating the hand. Good. He shouldn't have tried to steal his chicken nuggets. The monster is nice, though, he's sharing the nuggets with the alligator. Probably because the alligator said please and just didn't steal them. And now the elephant is being friends with the alligator. It was just that hand that was causing all the trouble. Mom, isn't funny how the clouds make the pictures, but the wind tells the story?"

(Oh, Z, you are too, too adorable for your own good!)

Instant Gratification

Yesterday I had to have blood drawn, which is never easy for anyone involved. After poking me 14 times to draw 4 vials one of the techs thanked me for my patience. I almost laughed because while outwardly I might have shown patience, inside I was screaming, "I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!!" In case you haven't guessed, I am not a patient person. I want instant gratification. In fact, I want it so badly that it actually bothers me when people use the word "instant" incorrectly. "Instant oil changes" and "instant relief" are meant to imply that they are quick, but instant doesn't mean quick, it means NOW. And that is how I feel about weight loss. I want to go through the drive-thru and order a number 3 with a large coke and could you please take off 5 pounds with that? I want to be that woman on the magazine cover with the before picture that looks like the fat lady from the circus and an after picture of Megan Fox, with a headline that reads, "She lost 300 pounds in 2 months without diet, exercise or surgery!!!" (I'm not just impatient. I'm also lazy!) And so outwardly I rejoice when I lose a pound, but inside I'm screaming, "I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!!" Pretty pathetic, when you think about it. Psalm 40:1--I waited patiently for the Lord and He inclined to me and heard my cry. Wait...patiently... Everything about this verse goes against my sinful nature. Do I believe that God will bless my efforts to lose weight? Yes, but I don't want to wait patiently. So I pray for patience and perseverance (Hebrews 12:1). I remind myself that my goal is not just weight loss, but a healthier lifestyle. And relying on God and trusting His timing are definitely the biggest part of that.

I'm A Mom...

and as a mom I have a choice to make. I can choose to take my children to McDonald's for lunch. I can choose to let them have a happy meal. I can choose to let them have french fries and soda. I can also choose not to take them, not to let them have a happy meal or to make them eat apples and drink milk. They can choose to complain or be satisfied with what they have. If my children whine and I choose to feed them McDonald's so that they stop whining I still make that choice. If I make bad choices for my children that is really not McDonalds fault. There is no logic in blaming McDonalds for my bad choices. The last I checked McDonalds does not deliver, nor do they force me to run my kids through the drive thru. McDonalds is not responsible for childhood obesity. After all, if they weren't making a profit then they wouldn't be selling the things that they are. So please stop filing lawsuits on behalf of "parents" because real parents really don't need the help. Thank you.

(Sorry if this is preachy, but I am so tired of the blame game. Step up already.)

Goin' on a Bear Hunt...

Z: Mom, what's hunting?
Me: It's when you shoot an animal and eat it.

Z thinks about it for awhile...

Z: Okay. But I'm only going to shoot evil animals. And chickens.

Over Ruled...

Z: Dad says I can watch a movie, but it is too scary for me.
Me: If dad says you can watch it I'm sure its fine.
Z: No its not! Its way too scary.
Me: Well, talk to dad about it.
Z: I did and he won't listen.
Me: Is the movie too scary or do you just want to watch something different?
Z (long, long pause): I THINK its too scary.
Me: I'm not going to tell dad not to watch that movie with M. If you don't want to watch it then don't, but dad is just as good at making decisions as I am.
Z: SINCE WHEN DO YOU LET DAD MAKE DECISIONS????

Its All About The Chicks...

"I'm going to get the chicks because I play the guitar."

-Z, discussing his musical future.

Unemployment...

Me (in exasperation): You have a brain, M, please employ it!
M (in equal exasperation): Don't you know that this state has a high rate of unemployment???

Credit Hogs...

Z: God made cows, right?
Me: Yes.
Z: And cows make milk, right?
Me: Right.
Z: So God really made milk, right?
Me: Well, God gave cows the ability to make milk, so yes, God made milk.
Z: So why do the cows take all the credit???

"Mom, why did God even make armpits? All they do is make you SMELL!!!"

--M during a deodorant discussion.

Auntie's Favorite Joke...Sort Of...

"Want to hear a knock-knock joke? Two strings walk into a store and one asks that guy 'do you have any fruit?' and the guy says 'no'. Then the other string says 'hey, you got any fruit' and the guy says 'weren't you the string that just asked me if I had fruit'. But it wasn't that string, was it?"

(Insert hysterical 5-year-old laughter here.)

The Old Fashioned Way...

The boys were watching Robots today...

M: Aren't you glad that you and dad didn't have to build us?
Me: Yep. I'm thankful that God built you because he did such a great job.
M: Ya, its probably good that you did it the old fashioned way. Whatever that is...

(In case you were wondering, I'm glad we did it that way, too! ;-)

Only The Cool Kids Are Invited...

M: That was the coolest birthday party! You should have been there!

Me: I wasn't invited.

M: Right. Truthfully, it probably wouldn't have been as cool if you had been.

Friends In High Places...

Today Z had a play date with his friend Asher. Asher has cystic fibrosis and his parents held an auction recently to raise money for CF. At the auction they showed a video of Asher which Z LOVED! Once he found out he could see it on facebook he was even more thrilled, frequently asking to watch "The Asher Show". When we picked up M today, Z couldn't help bragging about his morning...

Z: I got to go to a friends house today.
M: Who?
Z: My friend Asher.
M: Good.
Z: You know, my FAMOUS friend Asher.
M: Asher is famous?
Z: Yep, he's on t.v.
M: He is?
Z: Yep. He's the star of "The Asher Show"!

The Asher Show

(Our family is planning to participate in the Great Strides walk again this year to raise money for CF research. We will be sending out a letter this week asking for prayers and donations.)

That Doesn't Make Me Crazy...

M: You know, its weird, but whenever I see words I read them.
Me: I'm the same way.
M: Really? Have you read the back of the Mrs. Dash container?
Me: Yep.
M: How about the toothpaste tube?
Me: Yep, that, too.
M: I've read the back of the body wash in the shower.
Me: Me, too. Sad isn't it?
M: So does this mean I get all my crazy things from you?
Me: Well, not all of them.
M: Well, I got this from you.
Me: I guess so.
M: Well, I'm pretty sure that that is the only "crazy" in me!

Good Advice...

Me: If you take off your pull-up right after you get out of bed you probably wouldn't forget as often.

Z: That is good advice, mom. You know what else is good advice? Always leave goodies for Santa Claus.

Mel's Influence, Maybe...

M: Can we have lunch?
Chris: We had lunch less than an hour ago.
M: Oh. Can we have second lunch?
Chris: No. You're not a hobbit.
M: Not yet...

This Is Your Brain On Video Games...

Z: Can I play computer?

Me: Nope.

Z: How come?

Me: Because we don't need electronics to entertain us.

Z: Okay. Speaking of we, can I play Wii?

Dr. Doolittle...

Today I watched a friends little boy who is around 11 months old. He and AJ were babbling at one another.

M: Its neat how babies can understand each other.

Me: Ya, that is pretty cool.

M: I wish I could speak baby elephant...

Me: ???

Surprises...

Me: What would you like for lunch, Z? We have hot-dogs, ravioli, chicken nuggets or chips and cheese?

Z: Just surprise me, but not with a hot-dog. Or ravioli. Or chicken nuggets. Or chips and cheese.

Me: That was all your choices. Which did you want?

Z: Sigh. Just SURPRISE me.

So I put a Little Debbie zebra cake on a napkin and called him to the table. He was surprised. ;)

Hope The Baby Gets The Father's Brains...

I am in the baby aisle looking for something for AJ when a young, pregnant woman and her husband enter the aisle to look at formula.

Her: Geez. This stuff is so expensive! I wish there was something cheaper. (Turns to me.) What do you feed your baby?

Me: Breastmilk.

Her: What brand is that? Do you know what it costs? (Husband looks amused.)

Me: Its free.

Her: Oh. (Leans toward husband and whispers loudly.) I think she must be on welfare.

(I could still hear her husband laughing from 3 aisles away.)

You're Right, That Doesn't Make Sense...

"Z is ALWAYS bouncing around, running, rolling on the ground or spinning in circles. So how is it possible that when we put him in a car he gets MOTION SICK???"

-Chris, after Z threw up for the second time in the van we borrowed for our trip.

The Joy Of Road Trips...

M: Are we there yet?

Me: No. Please don't start that again.

(Blessed silence from the backseat for maybe two minutes...)

Z: Mom, I can spell Tiger. T-I-G...

M: Mom, I made this picture and if you press this button...

Z: I can spell rainbow. R-A-I...

M: See, now if I press it really fast it...

Z: I can spell nest. N-E-S...

M: Do you want me to teach you how to...

Z: I can spell fish. F-I-S...

M: Its not hard. I could show you how to...

Me to Chris: Are we there yet?!?!?!?

I Know, TMI...

"Sometimes when I sneeze I end up with boogers in my mouth. And that is called gravity!"

Yep, Z has a cold!

Gimme That....

Z: Can I play with that?
M: Not right now.
Z: Why not?
M: Because I had it first.
Z: That doesn't matter to Jesus, M!

But Sometimes They Are...

DVDPlay Rep: Thank you for calling DVDPlay. How can I help you?

Me: We rented a movie from you and it was too badly scratched to watch. I emailed and was told I would be contacted within 24 hours. I wasn't certain what you would want me to do with the movie so I held on to it until I got a response. In the response it says that I will be charged any late fees for not returning the movie on time. It took you 2 days to contact me and I just want to be certain I am not being charged a fee.

Rep: I see we contacted you this afternoon. The movie isn't due until 7:00pm.

Me: 7:00pm yesterday. I could have returned it on time if you had contacted me within the 24 hour time period, but you didn't. I'm not paying for a movie we couldn't watch.

Rep: Didn't you have a phone you could call us on?

Me: There was a hold of 11 people and your automated system referred me to the website. Again, had your website told me to go ahead and return the movie I would have, but it didn't. I will return it this afternoon, but I'm not paying any late fees.

Rep: Well, I will give you a one time exception on your late fees, but be aware that this is the only time I will be able to do this.

Me: This is not an exception. If you had emailed me within your 24 hours like you said you would we wouldn't be having this conversation.

Rep: Well, I can only make an exception this one time.

Me: Well, now that I know that I should just return the broken DVD after I contact you I won't need you to do this again. However it shocks me that people actually pay you to be this ANNOYING!

The Customer Is Not Always Right...

Phone rings...

Me: Hello?
Some Random Guy: Ya, is this the boxing gym?
Me: No, this is my home number. That gym closed several years ago, but they still pull up under a google search.
Guy: Ya, my kid wants to take boxing lessons.
Me: This isn't a boxing gym.
Guy: What days do you have available? I was thinking Friday.
Me: This is my house. This is not a boxing gym.
Guy: Do you offer individual or group lessons? What would be the difference in price?
Me: This isn't a boxing gym!
Guy: Listen! My kid wants to take boxing lessons (insert profanity)!!!
Me: *click* Moron.

What A Ride...

Today M built a really cool roller coaster out of k'nex. Before it took off for its first trip he gave the passengers very specific instructions.

"If you hold on tight you will have an awesome time. If you don't hold on tight you will fall out and die. Enjoy your ride!"

Veggie Tales Drama...

Tonight our family watched "Rack, Shack and Benny". At one point in time Junior tells Bob and Larry that they shouldn't eat too much chocolate, even though Mr. Nezzer said that they could all they wanted to. Tonight as we are putting Z to bed he begins to cry, very, VERY upset. When we can finally get him to talk about what was wrong, this is what he had to say....

"But...but....mom....wh-wh-why would the p-p-parents s-s-say that they cou-cou-couldn't eat all the ch-ch-chocolate when he s-s-said that they cou-cou-could?????"

I think he may have missed the point....

At Least He's Honest...

Z kept singing the same line of a song over and over and over and....well, you get the picture. Finally M had just had enough and yelled, "Who died and made you annoying????" Z yelled right back, "Nobody died! I was born annoying!"

This Isn't A Restaurant...

Z was a bit demanding at lunchtime today and I had had enough.

Me (sarcastically): If I told you this isn't Burger King would you know what I meant?

Z (without missing a beat): Yes. We only get unhappy meals here!

Nichole Nordeman, I AM...

I AM

Pencils marks on a wall, I wasn't always this tall.
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed.
You watched my team win, You watched my team lose.
Watched when my bike went down again.
And when I was weak, unable to speak,
still I could call You by name.
And I said Elbow Healer, Superhero, come if You can
and You said I AM.

Only sixteen, life is so mean.
What kind of curfew is 10pm?
You saw my mistakes, watched my heart break.
Heard when I swore I'd never love again.
And when I was weak, unable to speak,
still I could call You by name.
And I said Heartache Healer, Secret Keeper, be my best friend
and You said I AM.

You saw me wear white by soft candlelight.
I said forever to whatever lies ahead.
Two kids and a dream, to kids who can scream.
Too much so it seems at 2am.
And when I am weak, unable to speak,
still I can call You by name.
And I say Shepherd, Savior, Pasture Maker, hold onto my hand
and You say I AM.

The winds of change and circumstance blow in and all around us.
So we find a foothold that's familiar.
And bless those moments when we feel you nearer.

When life had begun, I was woven and spun.
You let angels dance around the throne.
And who can say when, but they'll dance again.
When I am free and finally headed home.
I will be weak, unable to speak, but still I will call You by name.
Creator, Maker, Life Sustainer, Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer,
Lord and King, Beginning and the End, I AM.
Yes, I AM.