My Little Thief...

Z: Mom, look! I found $5.00!
Me: Where?
Z: In your purse. It was in your wallet. See, I found it and now I can buy legos!
Me: No, you can't. That isn't your money. Taking money out of someone else's wallet is stealing.
Z: No, I didn't steal it, I FOUND it.
Me: You FOUND it in my wallet. I didn't lose it. I put it in my wallet so I would know where it was.
Z: But I found it. If you wanted it you would have put it someplace safe.
Me: I do want it. I put it in my wallet to keep it safe.
Z: Are wallets a good place to keep money safe.
Me: Yes, usually.
Z: Okay.
(Turns to go upstairs.)
Me: Wait a second, where are you going with that money?
Z: To put it in my wallet. You know, to keep it safe.

Yes, I did eventually get my money back and Z did receive a stern lecture on "finding" things.

Bless You...

Today I was downstairs when I heard Z sneeze a huge sneeze upstairs. I called up a bless you and he asked if I heard him. I jokingly told him people in China probably heard him. It was quiet for a minute and then he called, "Did they hear me sneeze in English or Chinese?"

Cloud Stories...

"Look, mom! There's an elephant in the clouds. Look, its chasing that alligator. Oh, there's a hand. Now it makes so much sense. The elephant is chasing the alligator because someone just slapped it on the buns. Hey, a monster! And he's eating chicken nuggets. Wait, the hand is trying to steal the chicken nuggets! Hey, buddy, get your own nuggets! Now the monster is eating the hand. Good. He shouldn't have tried to steal his chicken nuggets. The monster is nice, though, he's sharing the nuggets with the alligator. Probably because the alligator said please and just didn't steal them. And now the elephant is being friends with the alligator. It was just that hand that was causing all the trouble. Mom, isn't funny how the clouds make the pictures, but the wind tells the story?"

(Oh, Z, you are too, too adorable for your own good!)

Instant Gratification

Yesterday I had to have blood drawn, which is never easy for anyone involved. After poking me 14 times to draw 4 vials one of the techs thanked me for my patience. I almost laughed because while outwardly I might have shown patience, inside I was screaming, "I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!!" In case you haven't guessed, I am not a patient person. I want instant gratification. In fact, I want it so badly that it actually bothers me when people use the word "instant" incorrectly. "Instant oil changes" and "instant relief" are meant to imply that they are quick, but instant doesn't mean quick, it means NOW. And that is how I feel about weight loss. I want to go through the drive-thru and order a number 3 with a large coke and could you please take off 5 pounds with that? I want to be that woman on the magazine cover with the before picture that looks like the fat lady from the circus and an after picture of Megan Fox, with a headline that reads, "She lost 300 pounds in 2 months without diet, exercise or surgery!!!" (I'm not just impatient. I'm also lazy!) And so outwardly I rejoice when I lose a pound, but inside I'm screaming, "I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!!" Pretty pathetic, when you think about it. Psalm 40:1--I waited patiently for the Lord and He inclined to me and heard my cry. Wait...patiently... Everything about this verse goes against my sinful nature. Do I believe that God will bless my efforts to lose weight? Yes, but I don't want to wait patiently. So I pray for patience and perseverance (Hebrews 12:1). I remind myself that my goal is not just weight loss, but a healthier lifestyle. And relying on God and trusting His timing are definitely the biggest part of that.

I'm A Mom...

and as a mom I have a choice to make. I can choose to take my children to McDonald's for lunch. I can choose to let them have a happy meal. I can choose to let them have french fries and soda. I can also choose not to take them, not to let them have a happy meal or to make them eat apples and drink milk. They can choose to complain or be satisfied with what they have. If my children whine and I choose to feed them McDonald's so that they stop whining I still make that choice. If I make bad choices for my children that is really not McDonalds fault. There is no logic in blaming McDonalds for my bad choices. The last I checked McDonalds does not deliver, nor do they force me to run my kids through the drive thru. McDonalds is not responsible for childhood obesity. After all, if they weren't making a profit then they wouldn't be selling the things that they are. So please stop filing lawsuits on behalf of "parents" because real parents really don't need the help. Thank you.

(Sorry if this is preachy, but I am so tired of the blame game. Step up already.)

Goin' on a Bear Hunt...

Z: Mom, what's hunting?
Me: It's when you shoot an animal and eat it.

Z thinks about it for awhile...

Z: Okay. But I'm only going to shoot evil animals. And chickens.

Over Ruled...

Z: Dad says I can watch a movie, but it is too scary for me.
Me: If dad says you can watch it I'm sure its fine.
Z: No its not! Its way too scary.
Me: Well, talk to dad about it.
Z: I did and he won't listen.
Me: Is the movie too scary or do you just want to watch something different?
Z (long, long pause): I THINK its too scary.
Me: I'm not going to tell dad not to watch that movie with M. If you don't want to watch it then don't, but dad is just as good at making decisions as I am.
Z: SINCE WHEN DO YOU LET DAD MAKE DECISIONS????

Its All About The Chicks...

"I'm going to get the chicks because I play the guitar."

-Z, discussing his musical future.

Unemployment...

Me (in exasperation): You have a brain, M, please employ it!
M (in equal exasperation): Don't you know that this state has a high rate of unemployment???

Credit Hogs...

Z: God made cows, right?
Me: Yes.
Z: And cows make milk, right?
Me: Right.
Z: So God really made milk, right?
Me: Well, God gave cows the ability to make milk, so yes, God made milk.
Z: So why do the cows take all the credit???